Online versus Face to Face Conversation
Thursday, August 20, 2009 by cbic004
Facebook is great for catching up with old friends. Recently, an old school friend of mine who I haven’t seen since about the fourth form added me as a friend and started chatting to me online. It was cool to find out how they had been and what they were up to now, however as the conversation started to get a bit too personal and disclosing for my liking I became less inclined to reply and eventually simply logged off without any explanation. Writing about now this sounds a bit insensitive, however I must admit (and I’m a tad shocked by this) how indifferent I felt about it at the time.
Thinking about the whole concept of intimacy at a distance, I realise how in this instance I was managing my distance and negotiating my emotional investment in such a way only deemed appropriate, or indeed possible via the internet (and perhaps other communication technologies such i.e. texting). This was characterised by the ease I could exit the conversation. I was able to simply log off and exit the conversation without any explanation and in all likelihood without causing any offence due to the ever present possibility of perhaps having experienced some sort of technical difficulty such as unexpectedly loosing connection or having to suddenly leave the conversation for some other reason. However, in everyday practice, simply walking away from someone mid-conversation because you’re not willing make the level of emotional investment asked of you at that time would be seen as rude and offensive. Similarly in face to face conversation you are expected to be constantly attentive, however, during online conversation it is considered acceptable to be doing other things besides holding the conversation without appearing inattentive, rude or distracted.
Unlike ‘real conversation’, ‘virtual conversations’ are easy to enter and exit. In this way ‘virtual conversations’ seem somewhat more user friendly when compared to the fast paced, attention requiring and at times emotionally demanding ‘real thing’. However, I would argue that there is something about this fleeting, non-committed feature of 'virtual conversation' that makes me think that in gaining one thing, we are loosing something else. The idea that the internet has brought about the death of distance holds resonance here - certainly geography still matters greatly and distance hasn’t really vanished. The internet is a good thing in that helps us stay in touch with people all around the world quickly and effortlessly. On the other hand, it also encourages relationships and communications that are virtual - intimacy at a digital distance. In realising my own insensitivity and perhaps even selfishness in simply abandoning a conversation just because I couldn’t be bothered with putting in the emotional investment, I feel that empathy and other human qualities may get reduced because of less face-to-face contact. If I were talking to this person face-to-face I most certainly would have handled the conversation differently.
The very name, Facebook, is ironic because you don't communicate face to face, which in my opinion is a much better for intimate conversations. Sure, you may have hundreds of Facebook “friends” and share with them intimate details of your everyday life. But how often do you see them? Have coffee with them? Embrace them? More significantly, does it actually matter? Something to think about.
Thinking about the whole concept of intimacy at a distance, I realise how in this instance I was managing my distance and negotiating my emotional investment in such a way only deemed appropriate, or indeed possible via the internet (and perhaps other communication technologies such i.e. texting). This was characterised by the ease I could exit the conversation. I was able to simply log off and exit the conversation without any explanation and in all likelihood without causing any offence due to the ever present possibility of perhaps having experienced some sort of technical difficulty such as unexpectedly loosing connection or having to suddenly leave the conversation for some other reason. However, in everyday practice, simply walking away from someone mid-conversation because you’re not willing make the level of emotional investment asked of you at that time would be seen as rude and offensive. Similarly in face to face conversation you are expected to be constantly attentive, however, during online conversation it is considered acceptable to be doing other things besides holding the conversation without appearing inattentive, rude or distracted.
Unlike ‘real conversation’, ‘virtual conversations’ are easy to enter and exit. In this way ‘virtual conversations’ seem somewhat more user friendly when compared to the fast paced, attention requiring and at times emotionally demanding ‘real thing’. However, I would argue that there is something about this fleeting, non-committed feature of 'virtual conversation' that makes me think that in gaining one thing, we are loosing something else. The idea that the internet has brought about the death of distance holds resonance here - certainly geography still matters greatly and distance hasn’t really vanished. The internet is a good thing in that helps us stay in touch with people all around the world quickly and effortlessly. On the other hand, it also encourages relationships and communications that are virtual - intimacy at a digital distance. In realising my own insensitivity and perhaps even selfishness in simply abandoning a conversation just because I couldn’t be bothered with putting in the emotional investment, I feel that empathy and other human qualities may get reduced because of less face-to-face contact. If I were talking to this person face-to-face I most certainly would have handled the conversation differently.
The very name, Facebook, is ironic because you don't communicate face to face, which in my opinion is a much better for intimate conversations. Sure, you may have hundreds of Facebook “friends” and share with them intimate details of your everyday life. But how often do you see them? Have coffee with them? Embrace them? More significantly, does it actually matter? Something to think about.
hey good post..i recall some stats not so long ago about msn messenger (and texting) being the major way teens break up with their significant other, and no doubt facebook is now implicated in this. as you implied, the attractiveness of it is because it acts like a buffer screen, where we feel simultaneously heightened self-control (i.e. we don't have to guard our facial expressions, stance, tone of voice etc)and de-tachment from our words and their implications (they become 'just pixels on a screen')